Tuesday, December 11, 2007

~ Trying hard to smile ~

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I am not depressive usually. Not at all. However, today was one of my off days, and I will be the 1st to admit it. It just seemed so blah today. Some days, ever though very rarely I get the blues too. Or the Reds... Haha. I do like the color blue better though, so why ruin that color.

Anyhow, today just felt like I was hit by a brick wall. I felt that there will never be an absolution to these feelings. I hate when I have these days. Usually I try to see the bright side for what it is. And everything has been going ecstatically well. As, well as one could have hoped for in my position I suppose.

The brick wall seems to be built around me some times. I know that this will all be resolved in time. If not in a year or so. You see, one of my major problems I seem to have is the lack of money. I know money is not everything, but certainly needed to live. And since I am in this slump of needing ever so much to get a job I have hit this brick wall and it seems there is no where else to turn.

I have my 2 kids you see and they are both at home with me all the time. So, they are not in school. And getting a job whilst one has kids can be done of course if someone has someone else to watch their children. I in fact do not have this luxury. My mom will of course watch them at some times. If I want to go out or something rarely. Usually it is just to go to the store or something to that nature. She will not watch them long enough for me to get a job.

And she decided to fight with me about the whole problem the other day. And it made me feel rather insane. I love my parents, do not get my wrong. But, I just love how their, "Throw all your problems in your face even though you are already worried about them, but offering no solution" attitude. It just made me think about them more, and I simply do not have the time to worry about shit I just can not change at the moment.

She came to me telling me to get a job. I told her I would love to. Trust me, after being stuck with the babies I am ready to hang out with anyone and making money while doing it would even put icing on the cake. I had already looked in day care and for 2 kids it differs from $175.00 to $250.00 a week. Yes, is that not a load of shit or what?

Now, I could get a job making possibly $10.00 an hr or slightly more. And if I worked 40hrs that would be $400.00 a week minus all the taxes taken out. So weekly that I would make $350.00 to $300.00 after the taxes were taken out. Then take away the gas and whatever else needed to work, depending on location. So, I would make $100.00 profit weekly if I happened to be that lucky.

So, it just looks like shit right now. I know that soon, the kids will be in school and this will not be a problem. So, I am trying to look past it... but some times it is just hard doing it....

"x"

Posted by *X* @ 4:36 PM 0 comments